I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We are two peas in an std pod
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
