Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
