Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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