...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
