just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
