just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
