i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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