just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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