it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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