I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
