Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
