New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
