ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
