I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
