no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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