I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
