We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
