I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I love how my cats smell like pot.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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