we have officially lost it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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