hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
