sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
