i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
