It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
