Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
