just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
