I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
