I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
