It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
