we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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