Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish there were birth control emojis
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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