she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
