What did we do last night that was yellow?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I pour the whiskey from now on
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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