i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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