So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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