Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
