She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
