But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
