and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
