I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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