So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
