if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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