maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
