why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
