cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
