Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
