As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
