elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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