I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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