holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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