I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
