Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
